Stirred: The Martini Lounge Book 2 Page 7

  Harper stood up and moved out of the way as the nurse shot a syringe into the tube attached to my hand. I took a couple of deep breaths. I could feel the coolness of whatever she’d injected into the tube as soon as it hit my blood stream. In seconds, the pain became a dull ache and soon it would become numb. “Thank you,” I told her.

  “Any time. Just press the button again if you need anything else.”

  After she left, Harper returned to my side and placed his hand on my bicep. “You sure you’re feeling better?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. I’m going to run home and take a shower, give you a chance to get some more rest, then I’ll be back and we can talk then.”

  I knew he was giving me a way out, a reprieve and I could milk this I’m sure for a long while, but I was tired of running away from my feelings for this man, tired of hiding them. It wasn’t fair to him or me. Like a bandage, best to get this over with quickly, rip it right off. “No, please stay. I…I want to talk to you now. I’ve waited too long as it is. I’m so sorry Harper, please believe that. I meant to never see you again.”

  “What the hell, Nadya, why? Odessa told me you’d gotten shot down, that you’d been hurt. But I still don’t understand why that would make you stop writing me. Especially after I told you how I felt. I wanted to meet you, see if what we shared on paper would carry over for real. Is that it? Did I scare you because I told you that I love you?”

  I blinked several times to hold the tears at bay. I wonder if he noticed he used present tense, love, he still loves me. “Yes. It has everything to do with it.”

  He sighed. “You told me last night—Damn, I can’t believe it was just last night. You told me you can’t have kids. Is it true? Did what happen to you have something to do with that?”

  Crap, this man was smart. Smart, funny, sexy, thoughtful. It’s not any wonder I fell in love with him, but he can’t be mine. I tried to set him free once, but it was so much damn harder to do it again, especially after meeting him. Making love with him. I dredged up the memories I tried not to think on too much. “Right after Christmas, the helicopter I was in was shot down and when we hit the ground we came under heavy fire. By the time I was taken to a hospital my insides were fucked up. They didn’t remove my uterus, but the internal scarring was so bad, the doctors said the odds were against me being able to conceive and even if by some slim chance I did, I’d be unable to carry a child to term.”

  His other hand moved to touch my fingers and squeeze them.

  “I knew how much you wanted a family, Harper. It was always in your letters. It’s a part of who you are. It’s what drew me closer to you, the way you talk about being with your family. How close you all are, and how much you want a family of your own someday. I knew I couldn’t do that to you.”

  “Do what?”

  “Take away your dream of someday having a family. I believe you loved me, but how long would that last? Once you knew, you would begin to resent me. I thought it best you forget about me. We’d decided from the beginning we were never going to meet, so I thought I’d keep it that way. Eventually, I knew you’d forget me and move on. Find a woman you can love who could give you that family.”

  He raised his hand and caressed my face. “Baby, no. No,” he cried.

  Tears were rolling unheeded down my cheeks, but I had to get it all out. I swallowed and finished my story. “It was for the best. I had to let you go. So I did. But then after I was released from the military, I had no place to go. No family other than Odessa. She and Jim told me to come live with them until I could get myself together. Odessa always knew I had a pen pal, I told her a little about you. When she pressed me for more details and found out you actually worked at Club Prestige, she wouldn’t rest until she pestered me into coming to see you dance. I thought seeing you once would be enough. That’s all it was supposed to be, just go to watch you dance and see you that one time then that was it.”

  He wiped his hand over his face, his eyes were red and dark underneath like he hadn’t gotten much sleep. “I see, so why did you change your mind?”

  I dabbed at my eyes and stopped crying then I looked him right in those sad eyes and let him see my longing. “Because I couldn’t pass up talking to you, going home with you, making love to you. I figured you have the rest of your life once you find your perfect woman, and I only had one night with you.”

  “Oh baby, no. I found my perfect woman three years ago and I finally met her last night. Only to almost destroy her. Can you ever forgive me?”

  The waterworks run rampant again, I couldn’t seem to get them under control. “For what? There’s nothing to forgive you for. But I need you to forgive me.”

  “Baby, I’m the reason you’re in the hospital. After the way I danced with you and the way we made love. I was too rough. My God, the blood all over the sheets. You could have died. I could have lost you twice.” He buried his face in my hair, and his body shook with each sob.

  It took me a moment to realize what he thought: that he was responsible. “God no, no. Harper, you saved me. You actually saved me.”

  I don’t know if my words finally got his attention or if the fact that I was tugging at his hand did.

  “What?”

  I told him what the doctor told me and the look on his face was one of pure shock. His lips parted open and his eyebrows rose toward his hairline once he understood.

  “If not for you I could have gone septic, by then it would have been much too late. This time around the doctor decided to remove my uterus, so you see now there is zero chance I’ll be able to have kids.”

  “But you’re alive and we never have to worry about anything like this happening again, right?”

  We? I ignored that part. “Yes, that’s true.”

  “That’s all that matters.”

  “Yes it is, but you see now why I can’t be with you. I’m sorry.”

  “You’re kidding right? When we’re ready, if we ever decide to have a family, we’ll adopt.”

  It was my turn for my mouth to drop open in shock.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Harper

  Did she seriously think I was going to let the love of my fucking life go because she couldn’t give me a child? Now that she was back in my life, nothing and no one was more important to me than Nadya. From the moment I saw her, I felt a connection to her and I didn’t even know who she really was. She was insane if she thought I was letting her go over something easily remedied.

  She was everything, but I knew I’d have to prove it to her until she truly understood. “I don’t care babe if you can’t have kids.”

  “What? But…”

  I shook my head. “No ifs, ands, or buts.” I leaned forward and briefly kissed her lips, stroking her hair. “You’re what I want, you’re everything I want. I thought I lost you, not once but twice. Not even going to try to go through that again a third time. No how, no way.”

  “Harper, you can’t be serious.”

  “I love you.”

  That shut her up and she began crying again.

  “I’ve loved you for years. I’ve told you so. After last night I love you even more.”

  The doctor walked into the room, we both stared at him. She quickly dried her eyes as the doctor stood beside the bed. He frowned at me, but she smiled at him to let him know it was all right.

  “How are you feeling this morning?” the doctor asked. “I understand you needed a little something for the pain.”

  “Yes, when I first woke up but I’m good now.”

  “Excellent.”

  The nurse from earlier came in with a tray of bandages.

  “Let me take a look at your dressing to see if anything needs changing,” the doctor stated.

  I didn’t even have to be told to leave the room. I stood up and kissed Nadya’s cheek. “I’ll be right back, I’ll go grab a cup of coffee.”

  I walked out into the hallway and stretched. I found a bathroom and cleaned up as best as I
could then got a cup of coffee before returning to Nadya’s room. The door was open and I walked in. The nurse was in there but the doctor wasn’t.

  “When you’re discharged either later this evening or in the morning, I’ll give you a printed list of the post-op instructions the doctor talked about. It’s important that you not be alone; that you have someone to help you for the next few days while you finish healing. I’ll let you get some rest and come back to check on you later. You’ll get some breakfast in about an hour, so try to eat as much of it as you can.”

  After she left I returned to the chair I’d been planted in for the last several hours.

  “What’s the prognosis?” I asked.

  “It looks good. The doctor will check on me again later this evening and decide then if I’ll be released tonight or in the morning.”

  “Sounds good. I heard the nurse say you’ll need help for a few days and that you shouldn’t be alone.”

  “Yes. There’s a laundry list of things I have to watch for and meds I have to take to fight off any infections that might make me loopy.”

  “I have a suggestion. Come and stay with me. Now before you say no, I know your cousin must already have her hands full with her toddler, so while you recuperate come stay with me. I’m spending the next few months studying for the bar. I have study sessions that are three days a week a couple hours a day so I’ll be around the majority of the time. I do have a roommate but she’s seldom there, she’s usually at her boyfriend’s place. You can stay in my room and I’ll take the couch. It’s a nice, long and comfortable couch. Not sure if you had a chance to see it the other night.”

  She chuckled. “You can’t be serious.”

  “Very. I can take care of you, and more importantly, I want to take care of you to show you just how much I do love you and want you in my life. Let me prove it to you.”

  “Harper, you know we’re doing things ass backwards.”

  “Yeah, like people who do it ass forwards have any better staying power. We already know all the shit about each other. So we’re already ahead of the pack.”

  “I don’t know. Let me think about this.”

  “As far as I’m concerned, you’ve done way too much thinking. Stop thinking. Let me think about things for a change. And what I think is that you should come stay with me. At least until you’re better. Besides, you owe me for thinking I was so shallow that I’d let you walk out of my life because you can’t have a child.”

  “I’m sorry, Harper.”

  “And stop apologizing, you have nothing to be sorry for and neither do I.”

  Her lower lip trembled like she was about to cry. I took her hand and kissed her fingers.

  “All right,” she whispered softly.

  The doctor didn’t release Nadya until the following day, but that was fine. It gave me a chance to make sure I had everything set up at my place for her, and I’d already gotten her prescriptions filled before going to get her. She was still on a lot of heavy meds but I got her into the condo and tucked in my bed. Even though she seemed kind of fragile lying against my pillows, she still looked beautiful to me. And so right lying there in my bed letting me take care of her.

  “Do you need anything?” I asked her after putting down the suitcase Odessa had brought for her at the hospital. “I’ll help you unpack after you get some rest.” They’d dosed her before she left the hospital and warned me she’d probably be sleepy when we got home. The best thing for her for the next week is to sleep and rest to allow her body to heal. I planned on doing everything I could to make that happen.

  “I’m good. Thank you. On second thought, would you come lie down beside me until I fall asleep?”

  I pulled my shirt and shoes off and climbed under the covers with her. She rested her back to my front, I pulled her closer and placed my hand on her hip. “Thank you for letting me take care of you.”

  “I do love you, you know.” She placed her hand over mine.

  “As long as you know I love you back just as much. There is nothing I won’t do for you.”

  We must have both fallen asleep, I guess I needed it too. For the last couple of nights I hadn’t gotten much of it, not even during the day. I’d been too worried about Nadya. But everything’s changed, two days ago I thought I’d lost her, that I had to give up my plans for us. Now, any and everything seemed possible.

  Before I realized it, a week had passed and Nadya was getting better and stronger. I knew sooner rather than later she’d want to move back to Odessa’s. Odessa had been to visit quite a few times while Nadya stayed with me, and even Jim had come with her twice. While I wanted Nadya to get better, the last thing I wanted was for her to leave.

  Having her in my life was too easy, she fit very naturally. She was good for me and me for her. Other than the first night she’d been staying here, I hadn’t slept in my bed with her. I took the couch. I wanted to give her time to heal.

  I decided to raise the subject before she could. I’d already spoken to my roommate before I’d even had Nadya stay with me, and I told Redd then she’d be living with me. Redd didn’t really care. I knew she’d be happy for me. I suspect the real reason she was super cool with it was because she pretty much lived at her boyfriend’s place, even though she owned our condo. But I would soon be in a position where I could buy it from her. Something to think about—after I pass the bar.

  I watched Nadya walk into the kitchen. “Perfect timing,” I said, placing her breakfast down on the counter in front of her. She’d been able to get up and sit at the counter now for the last few days and had even taken short walks. As soon as she sat down, I brought up the subject on my mind. “You’re getting better. You don’t need your pain meds that often anymore.”

  “No. I’ve really only taken them at night and during the day ibuprofen works.”

  “Which is why I want you to know something.”

  She put her fork down. “What is it?”

  “I don’t want you to go.” I placed my hand over hers on the table. “I love having you here, us getting to know each other. Every day our relationship gets stronger and stronger. I want you to move in here with me.”

  “What about Redd?”

  “I already spoke to her, she’s fine with it, and notice you’ve only seen her maybe twice since you’ve been here.”

  “Yeah, I thought she was staying away because of me.”

  “No. She’s got a boyfriend and she been spending a lot of time at his place since they met, and from what she says, things are going just fine.”

  “Wow! Harper. Are you sure? What happens if things don’t work out for her? This place is nice but a little crowded for three people.”

  “I start my new job in a few weeks and we can either find another place then, or if Redd is open to it, I can buy this place from her. It’s in a great location and frankly, I’d like to stay in the Penn Quarter. But if you want to go somewhere else, I’m good with that too.”

  “What happens if one day you wake up and realize you’ve made a huge mistake?”

  I stood, picked her up and then sat down with her on my lap. Her arms went around my neck, but she lowered her head so I couldn’t see her face. I placed my finger under her chin and lifted her face so she could see my eyes and I could see hers. I needed her to see the love and my resolve. “I want you. I will always want you.”

  She buried her face in my chest and her next words sent a chill through me.

  “I think it’s best for now I go back to Odessa’s. Give us both a little space. You’re only just starting this new career, you’re going to be pretty busy at first. And I’m just getting settled too. So we’ll see each other when we can.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Nadya

  Dear Nadya,

  Did I tell you I have three brothers?—or had. The one who died was Johnny. One day I’m going to have a son and name him after my brother. I’m sorry about the way you grew up, I’d kick that man’s ass if I ever met him, and I have a wo
rd or two for your mother. But the things you’ve gone through have helped make you who you are, and I love who you are, everything about you. I want to meet you one day soon. I know what we said and I’ve hinted at it. Now I’m outright telling you, name the time and place, babe, and I’ll be there. Anywhere in the world, as long as I have a chance to meet you. Something we can tell our kids about one day: how their mommy and daddy first met. Yes, we’ll have our own family someday. Two boys and two girls and they’d grow up loved and protected and strong like their momma. I want that more than anything else in this world. So stay safe for me and send for me.

  Love,

  Harper

  I lay in my room at Odessa’s staring at the ceiling, unable to believe I was back here. But I didn’t have a choice. I had to do it, give Harper some distance, no matter how much he tried to convince me otherwise or how much it hurt to do so.

  I believed Harper when he said he loved me, but I also knew how much family meant to him. I couldn’t give him that, but I love him enough to let him go to find someone who can. My cell phone rang again. Harper’s name came up and I sent it to voicemail just as I had with all the other calls I’d gotten from him since I left. Almost a month ago, yet he still called me every day, I didn’t listen to his messages, but I didn’t delete them either. There was nothing he could say I didn’t already know. He even came over once, but I told Jim I didn’t want to see him.

  I’d lied to Harper the day I left, it was the only thing I could think to do. I told him we’d still see each other when we could, but I just made sure we didn’t. I missed him. It was killing me. The knock at my door had me glancing up.

  “Come in.”

  Odessa stood in the doorway. “Hey hon, I’m heading to the store, come with me.”

  She’d told me she thought I was nuts for leaving Harper, but in truth I was going nuts. “I don’t think so.”

  She stepped further into the room. “Come on. It’s Sunday afternoon, you haven’t been out other than to go to work three days a week. You need to get out more. Besides I’d like the company, Jim’s going to watch Sophie for me. We can have an early dinner.”